Esme Bowdler On The Bigger Picture Beyond Mamma Mia! I Have A Dream

There is no feeling like hearing “tonight the role of … will be played by …” and being surrounded by applause and smiles full of the kind of community and support you can only really get from theatre. All too rare, impossible to replicate. That is until Mamma Mia! I Have A Dream came along.  

For eight weeks, ITV had it all; iconic roles being reimagined in countless wonderful, unexpected ways and beautiful fleeting chances being given and taken with equal delight, even down to the joy of seeing a dream fulfilled.

But through it all, one particular hopeful shared with us an unmatched open journey of hard work and growth, and, just like Sophie, after going through stress and doubt and highs and lows, she got to the end of the aisle to find herself realising an entirely different happy ending, watching someone she loves take that step instead.

Fresh from supporting Stevie Doc and Tobias Turley at their opening night in Mamma Mia!, Esme Bowdler meets me for an ever-hopeful and upbeat conversation about the past, present and future of the theatre industry, for her and as a whole.

In today’s ever-changing platform of theatre performance, a positive perspective and outlook like that of Esme Bowdler is incredibly important. We have entered a period where the premise of open auditions and the ability to take more control as a performer is becoming increasingly prevalent.

Thought processes that were small and convenient giving way to open minds. Eyes finally lifting from those curated checklists to see the talent that has been available to them all along. The chance, again that wonderful word, to apply for potential roles yourself.

“Maybe, without realising, that’s kind of what I was waiting for and I’m just excited that other people are going to be able to have those opportunities now”, she says.

Bowdler describes her relief at finally being able to step away from the days of passively standing at the precipice of the uneasy void and attempting to fill it with pre-emptive self-deprecation. A step away from open calls for the sake of publicity and a step closer to genuinely taking account of the unrepresented and the unexpected choices, although she remains cautious of falling for TikTok hoodwinks.

On the other hand, just the fact that the theatre industry demonstrates such change and development in its current state, is unnerving and in itself something to adjust to and teach you more about your creative capabilities.

Mamma Mia! I Have A Dream seemed to bring with it a striking paradox. Unexpected, massive, overwhelming, towering over her as she staggered backwards, but somehow at the same time belittled to just another set of auditions, shrinking to inconsequential, to see her take those final steps out of the door, resolved not to apply at all.

Up until this point, the chance-orientated environment of pursuing theatre had also forced performers like Esme Bowdler. Their heads too were pushed down, convinced to forget about an opportunity the minute after leaving the audition room.

The minds behind the show seemed aware of the scope of experience they were demanding of their Sophie’s and Sky’s, paying strict attention to the kind of person who could handle that pressure and ensuring that wellbeing was a sacred aspect of proceedings.

Looking back, Bowdler wonders if she was truly prepared for the events to come, “I learnt that I was able to cope under pressure.”, she says in hindsight. “I can do anything now.”

Esme Bowdler packed her bags and left Corfu, almost grateful she didn’t win, confident, energetic and overall lighter, not for the overlooked socks or chargers in the classic final sweep before checkout but having significantly lessened the burden of self-doubt and taken with her a new strength, seen in the finale as she held Stevie, composed, compassionate and entirely happy, able to let go of the secrets, self-afflicted pressure and expectations.

Faced with the rare experience of seeing her insecurity from an outside point of view, Bowdler expresses feeling like her own older sister, desperate to reach through the screen to shake and reassure herself, becoming a literal depiction of that old adage - it has to come from you.

Throughout this ever-changing dynamic that performers traverse, faced one minute with shining hope and the next with heavy anxiety, it stands to reason that they turn to a great leveller, something intrinsically linked to the acting experience – the motivation.

Bowdler notes there is something about the unmatched live element of theatre performance, letting the impact of pure, unedited talent physically sink in, moved to tears as an orchestra plays the overture, before reaching the ultimate answer. The reason for theatre is to see a story being told in a way that moves you.

As Bowdler’s creative pursuits bring her closer to the centre of this theatre community, she has unlocked new and exciting layers to the experience, meeting people, supporting friends, witnessing shining success and happiness, vocals becoming a welcome bonus.

Bowdler praises ArtsEd for bringing that close-knit dynamic to the forefront of the learning process, as well as discipline and theatre etiquette.

When asked about her experience at ArtsEd, the first word out of Esme’s mouth was “tough”. Spoken with a brief pause and deep sigh, it gave the impression of an undeniably true confession, a necessary part of the story told with pride from the finishing line, looking back at the “incredible” experience, feeling worthy of the “privilege”.

Bowdler maintains that, whilst many downs in the industry and occasional self-inflicted pressure of attending a leading drama school are not helped when surrounded by the environment with no escape from theatre talk, it is not in the control of the school.

As much as she was fulfilled in her social life, support from teachers and incredible opportunities, she also learned how to deal with rejection and emerge stronger. Bowdler says it is important to delve into that and find other things you enjoy outside of theatre.

“Everything happens for a reason.”, she says.

Case in point, in the dress rehearsal of the Mamma Mia! I Have A Dream final, coins were flipped and Esme and Owen were declared the winners. “It was like the universe was saying ‘here’s your chance to feel that feeling’” says Bowdler.

Bowdler preaches all who take to the stage are on their own journey, “our own path to finding a very good happy medium”, a concept she feels she has finally grasped.

A clear testament to the fresh talent emerging in this new era of theatre, the casting of Mamma Mia!’s next Sophie came down to two recent graduates. Not just that, graduates from the same school, and even with what she has learned from hearing ‘no’, Bowdler believes this programme and the elevation for the trajectory Stevie was already on, just out of drama school, has set her up to keep going strong.

Since going to drama school, Bowdler observes her takeaways of theatre take on a slight change towards the technical mindset. Becoming an opportunity to learn and research, going to the theatre has been an affirming experience as, driven by the pure love of performing, she has pushed through unexpected hardships in an ultimately self-made journey, finding auditions and opportunities.

She tells specifically of watching Mazz Murray as Donna in Mamma Mia!, feeling totally in awe of her stage presence and skill in playing that character, making mental notes in a way that she hopes others will do while watching her someday.

She hopes to inspire them, encourage them to dream and find an element of truth from their own lives in the subjective experience that is theatre, because the theatre kid is not just the performer and with the multiple facets of her platform, Bowdler now has the opportunity to connect with all of them.

Although she never went into this process wanting to be any kind of influencer and has admitted to underestimating its difficulty, especially in relation to comparing yourself to others, now that she has a platform Bowdler has said she wants to keep pushing and is excited to be the inspiring journey that she has loved to watch, getting important theatre content out there.

“I do think it’s important to use it in a right way to promote going for whatever you want to do” she says.

“I want everything that I put out there to be as truthful as it can be and inspirational if it can be.”

But, suggesting, as we have, that storytelling is the main aim, is there a danger of audience members defeating the objective of theatre, inspired to see a show by a journey told on social media or TV, doomed to recognise the performer rather than the character and let the story fade to the background?

Bowdler admits there was a moment, when watching Murray portray Donna, where the sheer talent meant the performer did shine through the character but thinks it is important to remind people why actors do what they do and solely become a character.

To achieve this, Bowdler always tries to find an element of herself to connect to her characters. In the case of Sophie, she says it was her stubborn nature that helped her tune in and produce a natural performance but also reveals how sometimes it is about ‘tuning herself out’.

Where auditioning processes require such a fleeting exploration of a character, swiftly shifting from one to another, a focus on the emotion of the scene, the physicality of the character and the goal of the performance form a reliable plan of action.

When it comes to theatre, there’s not much publicity on the process and Bowdler admits she prefers it that way, saying it is important you get that privacy. In this way her experience on ITV shows an interesting contrast to, what I now understand to be, Bowdler’s natural approach.

However, we see consistency where it matters. For Bowdler the industry never felt like a competition and the show never pushed that environment or atmosphere either, instead exuding an air of support and care and lack of pressure.

The person who she did her very first audition for, who introduced her to the producers, was the same person who would knock on the door in the morning to check in and who, within seconds of receiving a voice message, came to help and feed a sick, sun-stroke-ridden Esme Bowdler, presumably why she says the tears only came when she saw the production team, faced with the idea of not seeing those people again, that the experience that changed her life was over.

“There’s only so much I can hang on to Mamma Mia! I Have A Dream, before I start putting stuff out there that’s more about me and my personal journey.”, Esme says, gracefully and gratefully moving forward after gaining this platform from Judy Craymer and shining example of leading a production from, host, Zoe Ball.